Making Connections

...given what is happening in our country and our world, I can’t help but feel that the most important thing you--and we--can do is to model kindness, compassion, and empathy. And we can start with something as simple as an after-school conversation.

By Julie Rodowsky
Head of Lower School at Wilmington Friends

I started out writing a post offering tips for parents of lower school students. I thought I would touch on making sure your child is getting enough sleep and not too much screen time and on emphasizing the value of reading to your child and having her or him read to you. I probably would have included suggestions for balancing the demands of school and outside activities and would have discussed the importance of establishing predictable routines and arriving to school on time. And I most certainly would have emphasized helping your child work toward goals that are appropriate to his or her age, temperament, and individual development.

But, given what is happening in our country and our world, I can’t help but feel that the most important thing you--and we--can do is to model kindness, compassion, and empathy. And we can start with something as simple as an after-school conversation.

I remember being frustrated when in response to my question of “How was school today?” my daughter answered with stories of slights, disappointments, or unfair treatment, all of which featured her in the role of aggrieved victim. It was hard to know how to react to these stories. Her teachers reported that she generally seemed happy at school, and I didn’t have any reason to doubt their perspective. I vacillated between feeling anxious and angry and wondered how we might change the narrative.

It took me a while to realize that by asking her a different question, I might get a different answer. One day as we were leaving school, I said, “Tell me something kind that someone did for you or said to you.” It took her a minute, but she was able to answer me. This began our new end-of-day conversation. Some days, a teacher got the credit for kindness; other times, it was a classmate. Once in a blue moon, she acknowledged her brother or sister. When she got into the habit of noticing and remembering at least one kind thing, I started to ask “What is something kind you did for someone else today?” Shifting the focus from others’ actions to her own was another step in helping her understand that she, too, played a part in creating a caring environment.

As the head of a division that serves children between the ages of two and twelve, I realize that the range of wants and needs in our community is wide. The expectations of parents of preschoolers is--and should be--different from those of parents of fifth graders. Still, there are a few suggestions I can share with everyone:

establish a trusting relationship with your child’s teachers;
get to know the families of your child’s friends; and
engage with the larger school community.

Make personal connections whenever you can, and encourage your child to do the same. If we take time to know one another and commit to treating one another with kindness, compassion, and empathy, we can create a community where every student feels secure, supported, and loved. And what better foundation for success can there be?

Julie Rodowsky has been at Friends since 2002. She began as a classroom teacher, became Assistant Head of Lower School, and was appointed Head of Lower School last spring. She holds a B.A. from the University of Maryland and an M.E.E. from Wilmington University.

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Preschool - 12th Grade

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